He Says

By Late Night Writings

“No matter what, I don’t think I’ll ever believe you.”

Then we went back to talking about the usual stuff. My day was okay. I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. His day was busy. His days are always busy, so it was nothing out of the ordinary. Either of us could have said more about our days. Either of us probably would have liked to hear more about our days. We like listening to each other talk, even if neither of us ever have anything interesting to say. Neither of us like to talk much though.

It was one of the rare days that one of us could start a more substantial conversation. The subject got us both talking. We both replied to the other’s comments with more than five words. Somehow, I think we both managed to make a lot of our responses more than one sentence. More than five words. More than two words. That doesn’t happen often. I think we were talking like that for a little over five minutes. It didn’t feel long, but it felt long. Maybe if the conversation had stayed on the initial topic, it would have gone on for even longer. But it didn’t. It turned a corner and led us somewhere else.

I was still giving instinctive responses. Just saying the first things that came to mind. He gave me an opinion that I didn’t agree with. I asked him to elaborate. He did. I still didn’t like it. The conversation didn’t turn into an argument or anything, but the mood was definitely different now. He wasn’t too defensive, I wasn’t too aggressive. He explained his position the best he could and I understood why he held that opinion, but I still didn’t like it. I said that it’s a good thing I love him. Then, he said he loves me too. He said it with confidence. He said it like he meant it. But then I said it. I said it with confidence. I said it like I meant it. I said that I don’t and probably won’t ever believe that he loves me. It might be true. I might not believe that he loves me. He might care about me, he might like me, he might like like me, but I don’t think he loves me. I’m not sure how he took it. We both brushed it aside and changed the topic immediately. I don’t think it’s because either of us were afraid of addressing the issue. I think we both just need some time to think about it. We need to wait until we both have the energy for another short, long five-minute conversation.  Maybe longer.