human intentions (and other unknown luxuries)
by leiani brown
why’d you tell me you two were close?
why’d you say you missed me and hated the distance between us? why’d you say you were out of money, then splurge it on a trip up the coast with people who were not me?
why’d you ask me how to make your friends like your wife?
why do you look at me like you could eat me, like there’s a hate bubbling just beneath those eyes and it’s no secret?
why’d you tell me you deleted the one person i care about most?
why’d you laugh when i told you he died?
why’d you tell me it was gonna be okay? why’d you tell me i didn’t have to sit by you, like you were some kind of burden, some pity acquaintance?
why’d you tell me you were institutionalized? why’d you say it like that?
why’d you try to take your life? didn’t you know it’d break their heart?
why’d you tell me you liked boys? why’d you scream it in a confined space on the night that was supposed to be someone’s utter bliss?
why’d you tell me you loved it? why’d you ask me to do it again, with just you?
why’d you assume you’d be so replaceable?
why’d you ask me to go with you?
why’d you keep it a secret? how could you ask me not to talk, to suppress the truth that was ripping apart your body? couldn’t you see i was already silent?
why do you share with me your life, in ten second vids? did you ever want to really know me? did you give it up after just two tries?
why’d you tell the world i was your happiest memory? then look at her like that?
why’d you ask me to open up? and pretend to understand my silence? then shout at me for volume, in front of all of them? then go on laughing, like you couldn’t see me?
why’d you thunder with applause?
why’d you take those pictures?
why’d you tell me not to trip?
why’d you teach me how to hit? why’d you tell me i could win? why’d you invest in me?
why’d you wait until i spoke first?
why’d you stop replying?
why’d you stop replying?
why'd you stop replying?
the answers are a luxury
my own confused human jumble
will likely never claim
and your intentions are yours i know
but wondering will always belong to me
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